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Depression & Anxiety

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This is a place to talk about our experiences and lend support to one another. I know that depression and anxiety often come together. When we aren’t feeling anxious we are feeling depressed, and vice versa. I hope this can give you all a safe place to get some support and encouragement.

Talking about it?

This topic contains 9 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by Carla Carla 1 month ago.

Talking about it?

  • Carla

    Hey there! So this is my first post on here. In fact this is my first time to this site at all. I stumbled across Kati’s videos on YouTube and decided to check out this site. While I’ve never been “professionally” diagnosed with depression, it’s pretty obvious that I’ve been struggling with it for years now. There was a time span of about a year or so that it was dormant, so I thought I was over it. But after having my son, it crept back in. It keeps getting worse, but luckily I haven’t had any thoughts and/or habits like I used to have years ago. Another thing that’s different is that I finally feel like I should, and am kind of ready to, find some help. My only hesitation is actually speaking out loud what I’m feeling and thinking, and speaking about the past. Every time I think about that my heart starts racing. So then I put it off. I’ve thought about online counseling, but I’m skeptical about it. I’m just not good with spoken word. I can get my thoughts out better when I write them out, or type them out. Which is why I thought about online counseling, but just haven’t taken the plunge because of my skepticism. Does anyone have any advice on how to actually talk about your problems? It’s like if I don’t speak about them out loud, they don’t really exist right? I know they do or I wouldn’t be here, typing this, with my heart racing and hands trembling. Any suggestions/help/words of encouragement is greatly appreciated! Thanks! <3

    Matthew Day

    Carla,

    Seeking help is difficult and you are doing the right thing.

    I totally relate to your thoughts on this, for many years I repressed difficult emotions that began as a child.

    Thing that I found the hardest was needing that feeling of approval when it came to talking about my issues. I spent many years trying to tell myself that I was ok and just a weak/bad person for feeling the way I do. I too have always found it easier to intellectualize difficult emotions (by wanting to write rather than feel).

    From what you are posting I feel that you want some help but are struggling with some fear.

    Mine came from always being told that difficult feelings where coming from me and not my reaction to “bad” situations.

    If you “feel” that you need to talk about stuff then try to trust yourself and get the help you DESERVE.

    I wish you all the best and hope you find the right person to talk to.

    Dont give up on yourself.

    Kind Regards,

    Matt

    Sarah

    Hi Carla!
    I’m glad you’re feeling ready to look into getting help; that takes a lot of courage! I know exactly how you feel about not being able to talk about difficult emotions and things that occurred in the past — I struggle with the same thing. Something I’ve found that helps a lot is writing (or typing) things out that you want to say to your therapist but can’t, and then just hand her the paper. That’s what I do. I’ve never been able to plunge into anything with spoken words yet, but I’ve found it works well to begin by giving your therapist your thought on written paper, and then she’ll ask you questions about it. If you feel comfortable answering her questions with spoken words, go for it, but if not, it’s absolutely okay to answer on paper! Your therapist will understand — writing your thoughts is better than holding them in! I hope this helps, and I’m always here if you ever want to talk!
    Best,
    Sarah

    Carla

    Matt,
    Thank you so much for your reply! I’m honestly not even all that sure why I find just the thought of actually speaking out loud about my problems or feelings or thoughts terrifying. I guess maybe I’m afraid of being judged, or maybe even deemed too “crazy” and be sent away… I know the last part is a little too irrational because I’m more sane now than I was years ago. But anyway. I guess I don’t want to actually feel the way I know I’m feeling, if that makes any sense. It’s like me speaking out loud what’s wrong, will make me actually feel that way. I guess I’ve just gotten good at masking the way I really am feeling, or not feeling anything at all, that thinking about feeling that way scares me. I don’t want to get back in that head space again. I don’t want to bring back old things, because I’m afraid of the way it will make me feel or think…
    I don’t know if any of that makes sense. My mind is racing along with my heart… I know I should talk to someone about all of this, but I don’t know if I could actually get the words out right. So then that makes me feel like I shouldn’t do it. Because I don’t want to feel like I have no control over what/how I’m feeling. Even though with depression and anxiety you have zero control. Which takes me back to not wanting to get back in that head space again… I don’t want to feel that way again… to feel desperate to be in control… But then again I’m not really in control now…
    UGH…. anyway… This turned out to be a very confusing and very messy reply… I’m sorry.
    But again, thank you Matt for your reply and your kind words!
    ~Carla~

    Carla

    Sarah,
    Thank you so much for your reply! I guess I never really thought about that being an option. It makes it a little easier to think about trying to find someone. I just have a lot swirling around in my mind. There’s a lot that I’m not sure if I’m ready to try to let go of yet, if that makes any sense.
    Again, thank you Sarah!!
    ~Carla~

    Toniel Miller

    i can so relate to this post… Youve actually put words to things ive experienced as well…This post is very helpful to me, thank you for sharing..

    Carla

    I’m not 100% sure why my posts haven’t been showing up. But I made an update post yesterday. While it won’t be exactly what I wrote, I thought I would still post an update.

    ~Update~
    I have decided to try online counseling. I signed up for better help, and this morning (Wednesday morning) was my first session with a counselor I was matched with. I didn’t know what to expect, so my anxiety was pretty much through the roof. But before the session, we were able to message a couple of times where she asked me just a couple of questions so that she could get a feel for what I was seeking help for. And during our session she got a little more specific with those questions. The session was only 30 minutes, but she made me feel so comfortable. I’m not 100% looking forward to our next session… because she said that she wants to talk more about my wreck in ’08, which turned my world upside down and still causes me so many problems still… So my heart races and pounds just thinking about that. I have a couple of questions that I want to ask, but I’m afraid to… not because I think she’ll judge me for them, but because I’m afraid of what she might say it means… (vague, sorry but not sorry) I don’t know… I may ask them at some point… But yes, I wanted to post an update about that. I decided to go ahead and try online counseling as a stepping stone to face-to-face therapy. I figured this will give me a chance to get comfortable with what’s really going on, before I have to actually speak the words out loud. So here goes nothing! haha

    Pam

    Hi, I’m so glad you’ve found an online therapist that is helpful.
    I’ve tried phone counselling before and found it really hard to be honest with the counsellor about everything that was going on.

    Carla

    Thank you Pam! I do plan on eventually finding a therapist/counselor to see in person. The online is just a stepping stone to get me comfortable, or at least a little more comfortable, with talking about stuff. There are options to do a live chat, a video session or a phone session. I have only had 1 session so far and it was a live chat. I honestly don’t think I could do a video or phone session right now. I’m extremely emotional, so any time I get nervous or talk about stuff that I’m struggling with I can barely speak out loud. So right now, this is the only option for me. I just want to unload all this crappy baggage I’ve been hauling around for years and years… I just gotta remember that this takes time. It’s not going to happen right away, in 1 session. (I’m VERY impatient)
    While I’m looking forward to future sessions, I am extremely nervous about my next one… Any time I think or talk about the wreck I get anxious and nervous and my heart races… not fun.
    BUT anyway, thanks for your reply!! And I hope you find what works for you!

    Carla

    UGH….. I’m struggling right now with my anxiety… I keep thinking about my next session and how my counselor said she wants to talk more about the wreck. That was a low point in my life that I don’t like talking about. All those emotions and feelings come rushing back and I hate it. I know it’s supposed to be good to talk about stuff… but I’m dreading it. I honestly don’t know why I’m feeling so anxious. And I have a flipping week until the session… So yay me… I have a week of feeling anxious and like crap… 🙁

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