Question about building a support from scratch.
Anonymous May 14, 2018 at 11:54 am
I have been having (sometimes serious) suicidal thoughts how over a year I have often heard that a support system really helps with things like that. However, I legit have no friends and have never really had any. I was homeschooled while living overseas until I was 11 (due to my dad being in the army) and when I moved back to the states I participated in very few extracurricular activities and was still homeschooled. So I was pretty socially isolated for the majority of my life. I am now in college, but I still have not made any friends in the two years I have been there due to being very socially awkward and because I am younger than everyone there (I started at age 14, long story). My parents have also not been supportive due to them being emotionally distant, my dad never really cared and my mom is very high expectations, low emotional support. Both also work full time. I am not seeing a therapist due to both my parents being violently against it and saying that I am just being overly emotional and immature, also they say it would take to much time and cost to much. I am moving out in less than four months so should I just give up on building a support system while I still live with my parents as all my attempts have failed? What should I do (I genuinely see no solution)? Is it possible to recover from serious suicidal thoughts with only self-help and no emotional support from people other people? I know a lot of people will say to try online support systems, and I am and they have not been super effective for me, though I am continuing to do them as they are the only thing I have as a support system.
I’m not Kati but just wanted to say you are not overly emotional or immature for feeling these things. I’m sorry you’re going through such a difficult time right now and that you’re parents aren’t helping…
Have you checked the counseling center on campus? Many colleges will do a certain number of free sessions. You don’t have to tell your parents you’re going. Ask if they offer any support groups or know of any that might be good fit. Also many therapists will work on a sliding-scale (if you’re underage you could talk to them ahead of time about keeping your parents out of the loop and give reasons why you don’t want them to know you’re seeing someone). If you’re religious, try talking to your pastor (or whoever), or a support group like Celebrate Recovery, which has a teen chapter called The Landing. Even if you aren’t religious, people in these places have a lot of resources can point you in the right direction. There are also support groups on MeetUp, as well as other groups where you might find friends. And 741741 is the crisis text line. There’s always the suicide hotline (you don’t have to be standing on an edge to call and get support). And, of course, you have the Kinion community;)
Keep reaching out and trying to build your support system as best you can.
I found the best way to make friends is to just be where other people are. I was cyber schooled and can definitely relate to being socially isolated. Even if you’re awkward, know it eventually gets better when you have shared experiences. Pick something you like- if you’re into D&D, try game nights at a local game store; become a regular at your fave place to have coffee; hang out at the library and see what they’ve got going on. Lots of people feel awkward, especially meeting new friends. But stick around and keep showing up. Assume everyone feels a bit out of place, and you can laugh your way though those moments when it feels uncomfortable. Also check out Dear Evan Hansen, which is something I’ve really related to and think you might, too.
Hope something here is helpful. Take care!
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