This topic contains 2 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Sally1811 3 months ago.

#KatiFAQ Choosing a partner wisely

  • Hi Kati and Kinions,
    I am a 26YO female.
    I had a decently happy but lonely childhood. I have seen my parents fight a lot, they recently went to therapy and are getting better. I coped with all this with help of my friends, pets and imaginary family as a kid.

    I have handled my life pretty well in most areas except relationships.

    So far I have had 3 BFs.
    1st: 2 years with a person with narcissitic traits, ended because he cheated.
    I changed a lot after this and became more confident and consciously happy.

    2nd: 2 years with a nice guy who was great but, but wouldn’t commit because of religious reasons and his family. He wanted to please everyone but ended up hurting me by hiding about his plan to move abroad. We are still friends.

    3rd: Recent 3 month relationship with a guy I suspect has borderline personality traits. I have decided to end it.

    How do I avoid such problematic relationship and choose a partner wisely?

    • This topic was modified 3 months, 1 week ago by  Sally1811.

    Hi:)

    You can kinda weed it out a bit if you start with friendship first, and be clear about what you’re looking for in a partner if you decide to take it to the next level. And remember you can get to know them through dating a while without committing to being in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Overall though, I think it’s part of the dating process. You can’t know those things about someone until you really get to know them, and you can’t predict what mistakes they’ll make or struggles that might come up. You’ve just gotta know what’s right for you and if you want to work through it with them or move on. But I think you’re doing a good job identifying issues and needs in the relationships you’ve been in, and deciding whether or not you’re a good fit for each other. Once you find the right guy, every one that came before him will have been the wrong guy. So if it doesn’t work out know that there’s something better coming. Or you could just ask them to have a psych evaluation done before you commit lol jkjk.

    Hahaha, I am very seriously considering getting a psyche evaluation done the next time.

    Yes I started out with friendship in first two cases, but it takes a while to see people’s true personality.
    The last one like a typical BPD was too keen on commitment pretty soon, and it seemed cute initially but not much within a few weeks.
    But I’m glad I’m getting out of this without wasting a lot of time and emotions. Also I learnt a lot about mental health from this one. 🙂

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