This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by Gary Gary 5 months, 2 weeks ago.

Attachment to therapist

  • Emily

    This is my first time posting anywhere in these forums, so please forgive me if I’m posting this in the wrong area.

    I have several diagnoses – the biggest of them being PTSD and BPD. I have been in DBT and individual therapy for a little over a year. When I first started treatment I was asked if I preferred a woman or a man for a therapist. At the time, I was so desperate for help I said I didn’t care.
    Long story short, I ended up with a male therapist. He’s very smart and wonderful at his job, but I can’t shake this horrible feeling that I am way too attached to him. I am terrified and embarrassed. It’s making me want to bail out on therapy all together. I also have this gut feeling that he is very attached to me as well. We do a lot of difficult work in session, but other times it’s basically just sitting and shooting the breeze for 50 minutes.

    I’ve read countless articles on transference and counter transference and I’ve watched Kati’s videos on being attached to your therapist. I know it’s a major thing in my therapy process but I honestly don’t think I could ever bring it up in session. I’d be absolutely mortified if I discovered that I had been misinterpreting things this whole time and I don’t think I could ever let myself be that vulnerable. I’ve worked extremely hard to get to where I am with him trust wise as it is.

    I apologize for the lengthy post, but I’m so lost. I don’t have any support system outside of group and therapy, so there’s no one I can talk to about this. Is this just a trait of my BPD rearing its ugly head? Or is there more to be concerned about? Does anybody have any advice on this topic? I would be immensely grateful for any input.

    If you made it to the end of this, my sincerest thanks. 🙂


    I’ve been dealing with this myself. I was in therapy for over a year and I grew very attached to her. I never brought it up to her and so when she left my clinic I was of course devastated. I was angry, hurt, embarrassed and so confused. I started reading everything I could find about transference. I quit counseling for a few months and now I’m back at it with a psychiatrist and a DBT therapist. I’ve been to scared to share this with them too. But I know I should. A few months back I was diagnosed with BPD, PTSD, Depression and anxiety. The DBT therapy is really new for me so I’m hoping I can open up for and really put my whole self into it. I hope you get through your attachment unscathed. I would bring it up to him at some point cause personally I think it will only grow and get worse. I am new to this community and nothing I said I doubt was of any help but I just could really relate and wanted you to know you’re not alone in feeling this way. ✌


    Hi Ladies ,

    Here is the way I look at it.

    There are boundaries yes , and we must not cross them , but at the same time we are bing asked to give freely of our thoughts and feelings , and in doing so we are forming a bond of trust far greater than any bond any of us have every known.

    With that in mind , attachment , yes without a doubt , but if we look at the text we will find attachment is a thing of need , not love.

    We become attached through a normal participation of interaction , that is needed if we won`t to be happy.

    I read you watched Kati`s videos on this and thats great , however if attachment is never made , then neither is trust and without trust healing can not begin.

    What Kati is saying is that attachment in the from of love is a normal thing for people who are suffering or for those whom have never had such caring and compassion that comes from therapy. We must be able to separate the two.

    Love is pure love / attachment is a profound feel towards someone how is TAKING PLACE of love in or on a temporary basis.

    Kati also did a video on how important it is when weekly therapy ends , that clients often call when the going get hard.

    I do get it , attachment + end = a whole lot of hurt , but if you try your best to understand attachment is NOT love , but may seem like it.

    You ladies will one day meet the man of your dreams , and believe me , you will see him more than an hour a week 🙂

    I truly hope this helps , if you have any questions or concerns , please feel free to PM me. Happy Holidays 🙂


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