This topic contains 9 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by Amanda Amanda 1 year, 1 month ago.

Am I doing Self-Care Wrong??

  • Amanda

    Hey Kati and Kinions.
    So I am hoping that there is a solution out there. I have been having trouble with self-care when I feel horrible. When I am feeling good I have no problem taking a few moments to myself. It is when I feel like when I have a million things to do and thoughts are rotating in my head I am having problems. It is like my bucket is so empty I have nothing to give and when I try to put more in it, it is so small that by the next morning, I feel like it is gone. Am I doing something wrong? Maybe it is because I can’t relax my thoughts and give myself time to recharge? My head seems to be spinning with negative thoughts when I am feeling bad. Or maybe I’m not doing something wrong.

    I don’t know what it is but I’m getting really frustrated that I seem to not be able to feel better. Has anybody dealt with this? How do you do self-care when you feel like nothing is working…

    Thanks in advance.


    Omg, I thought I was the only one who experienced this. Your description fits me exactly. It’s so frustrating. What sort of helps me is that I mentally take the pressure off myself to do self care the right way? Sometimes it helps to think of it less of “I need to do some self care” and more like “what do I want to do right now?” And if that means sitting and watching TV then so be it. I also keep a list in my phone of self care ideas, so when I’m feeling really busy and frantic I force myself to pick one. It helps me to take the work out of figuring out which self care technique to use. Hope this helps!


    Hope! Thank you for the response! You have no idea how much it helps. I’m glad I am not the only one who feels like this. I will definitely try thinking of it like “what I want to do for the moment”. Have you ever had the moment where you think “I want to do _____ but I have to do _____”? Like you don’t have a choice and you can’t do self-care what do you say then to yourself?

    Sorry for so many questions. It does help. 🙂


    Hi there, I just try and see what I feel like in the moment. Sometimes it’s baking bread; other times it’s watching a movie or drinking Horlicks. If you don’t have the option to take self-care in the immediate moment, you could try saying, “I can’t react right now but when I get home, I will react to it and I will take care of myself.” That’s what my therapist suggested if I ever got into triggering situations at work, and so far it’s worked okay.


    I really like this suggestion and am definitely going to keep it in mind for the future. Thanks!


    I really like Serena’s suggestion. Sometimes I will also take a few slow deep breaths to help mindfully refocus myself and then proceed onto the task at hand. I need to get better at doing this when I’m frazzled though.


    Thanks, Serena and Hope.
    Defiantly something new to try.

    jamie m

    hi amanda,
    i struggle with this as well. i agree with both serena and hope’s suggestions. i also recently started write out a daily schedule of things i must get done and things that are planned (you can do it weekly or however)and within that schedule i include self care time. i try to also leave gaps (plans that can be rearranged, things that can get done any time, or just free time) in my schedule for extra self care. i also plan things that i like to get done alone occasionally, like walking around the mall, going to get my nails done, etc. i can give you an example from today:

    8am-9am: wakeup, getting ready for work
    9-9:15: breakfast
    9:15-9:30: Meditation (i use a free app called smiling mind- part of my scheduled self care)
    9:30-10: relax and drive to work-in this time i do whatever i need to do to calm down/get ready for my day or get random things done
    10am-6pm: work (on my lunch break i usually listen to music while i eat to try and breathe, you can color or something too-also self care)
    6-7pm:cook dinner and clean up
    7pm to bedtime: i will get things done around my house and do homework (im a part time student also) and relax watch tv, usually do a bed time meditation and listen to soft music.

    hopefully this isn’t super long and it helps. but try and schedule little things throughout your day 🙂 on the days i have class and get overwhelmed, i bring a stress ball to fidget with to class because i tend to get really uptight when im stressed. so just little things like that can relieve tension during the day, but i find planning it out helps when you make it a routine.

    • This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by jamie m jamie m.
    • This reply was modified 1 year, 1 month ago by jamie m jamie m.

    Wow, such a great topic and i had the same question as Amanda. Thanks for the wise tips for all! 🙂


    Thanks jamie. Yeah, my T suggested something like that that this week because I am always working on something without giving myself a break mentally or physically. I like the idea of putting little moments for myself through the day. I think I could try that.

    Thanks everybody for posting and giving suggestions. It truly makes me feel a little less alone.


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