I recently received an email from someone who has been following my video series and blog since it started. She sent me a poem/ journal entry about what she was feeling in regards to her ED. It got me thinking, that I should create a safe place for you to create/ journal and interact…
So I did just that. I created a place on here just for you. After all that is why I am doing all this. I encourage you to use this new place on my website (called “Group Posts”) to post journals, videos, art and generally interact with each other. I want this to be a positive experience!
Here’s how to use your section:
Go to the top right hand side of my website and click ”sign in”. From there, setup your account and… voila! you can start posting. It may take me a day or so to approve new submissions but I am really looking forward to what you decide to post.
Also, if you want to add your photo to your profile follow the instructions here:
This is your space, enjoy it!
-Kati
Hey your videos give great feedback. I looked at them a while ago, but returning to them reinforces ways to improve my life.
I have a question Im afriad to ask my therapist cause she will probably lie to me anyway. At what point in time can they make you do inpatient care for being too skinny?
did it cancel my first reply I dont see it lol let me get all my info and question into one so its easier cause I dont know where my other post went. At what point in time can they lock me up in an inpatient treatment program because im dipping too low for my age/height/ect? I will be 25 in June.
By the way, there are no age restrictions. I have had clients as young as 10 and as old as 47, and I know that my collegues have seen younger and older people than me:) So no need to worry about that. They will never lock you up in an inpatient, the only thing that they can do (in the states) is lock you up for 48 hours in a mental hosp. They can do that if you are a danger to yourself or others. But I would encourage you to not let it get to that point. Let me know how I can help...okay?
Hey Noreen!! I have to approve all content on my site..that's why your posts disappeared. I got all your weight info but I don't put that up for everyone to see..that's why you don't see it now. In my professional opinion, you should be in an inpatient treatment facility. If you are ready...I know it can be scary and overwhelming, but I really think that that would be the best choice for you right now. Are you planning on looking into that option??
I have thought about inpatient treatment would I do it honestly probably not I dont even like to leave my room/house. Plus I know you hear this alot cause I heard you say it in your video I have no income so even making it to a facility is almost an impossible task since I dont drive and im sure the closest one near me is far away from my current location.
I know that when we are deep in our ED we tend to isolate and not like to leave the house..but going into treatment could be so beneficial for you. When you do meet with your therapist and dietician they will discuss with you what your goal weight will be...so no need worry about that. They will take all things into consideration when figuring that out:) I would consider looking into scholarships or asking eating disorder treatment facilities if they fund the treatment of people with low incomes..many do. I know this process is scary and hard, but it is your life and you are worth it:)
ya sorry meant weight/height ratio. She didnt really tell me what would be my target weight would be.
Hello Kati. First I wanted to say thanks for this website and your videos on you tube. I'm new to this site and I'm trying to figure things out. I have art work I would like to share, but I'm not sure if it would be appropriate for this site....I noticed many of the art posted on here has positive messages, but the work I have done so far has been about the negative thoughts and depression I have felt throughout my ed. I don't know if it would really fit in with the other posts because I wouldn't want anything to be triggering in any sort of way. Numbers are not included in any of my work if that helps. I would love to create something with more of a positive message, but honestly, it has been quite a struggle. Anyway, I just thought I'd ask before I posted anything. Thanks again, I think its wonderful that you've created this site.
Hey Irize!! Welcome to my site:) I am so glad that you decided to hop on here!! I say post it!!! If I ever think anything is triggering, I will not post it and let you know:) But I am fine with negative stuff.. just share when you made it and how it helped to make it (if it did) as long as there are not any numbers or pics of cuts etc.. (things that are triggering) I will approve it!! This is your place to share your honest experience!! xoxo Thanks for checking with me <3
Hi Kati,
Thanks for allowing me to share my art.
Thank you so much for sharing it!! It is so beautiful! xoxo
I'm sure this is a frequently asked question, but any suggestions on ways to stay healthy during thanksgiving..or just the holidays in general?...or ways to help ease the anxiety that taunts me during this time. I hate that my first thoughts of the holiday season have turned into complete dread. Last year during this time, I was in a pretty dark place, and had no idea how to deal with anything. Its nice to have a family who cares and I am so thankful for that, but at the same time, Its really hard for them to understand what I'm going through. I feel like they try to push me into eating things that I don't feel safe eating...the famous..."just eat this for me" quote that I hear often....I'm getting off course here, ha, but I just don't know how to explain to them what is going through my mind, and that fills me with a lot of anxiety. And the amount of people that will be around while eating. Again, Im grateful to have that...uuugghhhh. I don't know. I just want to be able to get through thanksgiving/the holidays safely, and not feel so overwhelmed. I have been thinking about this for so long now...its crazy. I journal often, and it helps a lot with coping, but this...ahhhhhhhh!!!!!
I know that this can be SO OVERWHELMING!! and to be honest.. I am going to do a video on this and put it out before the holiday.. so if you have any concerns after watching that feel free to message me and I can go through those too:) xoxoo
Kati Morton recently posted..Life update
Hi. I just came across your site a few days ago and the videos and other posts have really been helping me come to terms with things lately. I was recently diagnosed with EDNOS but have been having a really hard time accepting the diagnosis. I find myself really struggling to follow my nutritionists plans because I can't see that what I'm doing is consistent with having a disorder and the fact that I'm still successful academically doesn't match up. My therapist wants me to journal, especially since it is harder for me to see her during the semester, but I have no clue what I should be writing about. Is it normal to take a long time to be able to accept the diagnosis? I keep telling myself that I'm fine everyday but my friends are starting to treat me differently since the diagnosis, like I'm so fragile and going to fall apart any minute. It is so frustrating b/c being diagnosed with an eating disorder doesn't change who you are, does it?
Hey honey!! Yes it can take awhile to actually accept the diagnosis that we are given. So give yourself some time and maybe journal about what it means to you and why you don't like it, like it, what you think it means, etc... start with that and see what comes up:) Also, you may want to watch my video about how sick you have to be to get treatment.. cause that addresses a lot of your concerns:) Oh and having an ED doesn't change who you are!!! All it means is just that most of our thoughts are focused on food, calories etc.. so we may not be as "present" as we were before. You know? xoxo
Hi Kati,
Thank you so much for everything you do online. I was wondering if it's ok to message you privately on facebook or youtube. There are some things I'd like to write you, but I don't want to be triggering to anyone else, and I have some friends that also follow your sites and that I'd rather not see what I write.
Of course it is!! You can message me on either of those social media sites :) xoxo
hi kati,
i have been struggling a lot recently with food and depression and self harm but i feel like no one would take me seriously if i went to go see them because i'm a healthy weight and my self harm isn't that "bad" compared to a lot of people. i've made an appointment with my school counsellor but idk last time i went to see her she didn't really help. i know that something has to change though because i can't go on feeling like this but i don't know how to bring stuff up with my parents. i've been hiding this from them for two years (i'm 16 atm) and i just have no idea how to tell them, also because i feel like if they cared they should have noticed something by now... do you have any advice?
Hey honey:) I know that it is really hard to reach out.. but I find that just telling our parents that we are really struggling right now and feeling down. Then asking if we could see someone.. I find that to be the best way to get help. We can talk to our therapist more and figure out a way to talk to them about the SH and ED stuff later. Unless you would like to tell them right away just to get it out.. if you want to do it that way, you can check out my video "relationships and pregnancy" cause I talk about that in there :) xoxo I know we worry that we are not sick enough for help.. but trust me, you are. Our ED and SH voice will tell us that we are not good enough or sick enough.. but trust me, it won't ever think enough is enough.. but you deserve to get help and feel heard and understood :) I hope that some of that helps! xoxo
thank you so much for your reply, it gave me the courage to reach out. i talked to my school nurse and she was really lovely and asked if i wanted her to refer me to CAMHS (child and adolescent mental health service, part of the national healthcare system so would be free) and keep it confidential from my parents. hopefully once i get there and start talking to a therapist i'll be able to get the courage to finally talk to my parents about this. i'm really scared because every time i try to tell them i end up having an anxiety attack, but i am determined to eventually tell them, no matter how hard it is. it just might take some time...
It can take time honey so be patient with yourself okay?? I am SO PROUD OF YOU for reaching out for help!! You can do this!! I know you can!! Xoxo
I don't know if anyone will ever get to read this but it doesn't matter I guess because at least it is out of my head now. I realized today that I have been holding myself back from getting better about issue's of trauma because I am afraid that I will relive the trauma or I won't be me because the trauma me is all I have ever known. I cry too much about trauma and laugh too little about the lighter things in life. There was a time when I could look back on my bad behaviors and laugh at myself and it felt good to be able to actually laugh and mean it. I want that so badly but I am also so very afraid of it at the same time. I don't know what to make of it all sometimes. I also realized that I was being too overly sensitive with Miss Katie who has been nothing but wonderful to us all! I know it's a such a shameful thing right? I know it's because I am so used to people having an easy time walking away from me because I make mistakes in relationships because my relationships are so dis-regulated due to the BPD. I still do not understand why they call it borderline as though your personality can have a borderline. I see it as being either normal or abnormal. I would rather call the thing dis-regulated personality disorder or dysfunctional personality disorder because believe me my behavioral characteristics associated with personality can be dysfunctional at times. ( Semi-smiling)Calling it borderline makes me think of patients who are a threat to themselves or others who are teetering on the borderline between okay and not okay.
I think that dis-regulated does sound better!! and it explains how it feels to have BPD more accurately! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this :) I know that having BPD can make us feel very emotional and we can get hurt very easily. I know that it is hard at time, so know that I am don't take offense.. and I know that you are working on yourself right now, and that takes time and a lot of work :) But that's what I am here for, to help and support that process! xoxox
Want to download workbook but don't have an ipad or an ipod. Can I download to my personal email?
You don't have to have an Ipad to download it.. you can do it through your email and just have it on your computer :) No "i" anything needed :) xoxo
Something that has always plagued me is that it seems like my emotions go from 0-10 on a scale of 10 and I am blindsided by it and then I can't think of the DBT skills that learned in order to know what to do next. I need help on this because I have lived my whole life unaware of my internal senses and sometimes can remain unaware of my external environment until things get really bad. I have been told that is why I am a walking target for trauma's. I wish I could tap into these resources and grow stronger. I don't why I feel the way I do. I have no clue. I remember times in my past that I was able to write poems about how I felt about myself but I could never share those. They are too dark to share with people. Shared them with counselors but I could tell that they didn't know what to say about it. Especially the poem entitled " The Unwanted Child"!
Yes!! that is so true honey! thank you so much for sharing that :) I have many client with BPD who are really struggling with using their newly learned DBT tools in the moment when they feel blind sided by emotions.. so I have been having them use their tools all the time.. whenever you feel any sort of portion of emotion. That way you are practicing them all the time.. even if it is still hard in the moment when you feel really intense emotion, you will slowly get better and better because you are still practicing them when you are only at a 4 or 5 on the emotionality scale.. I hope that makes sense, and helps!! xoxo
Okay I hope I do not ramble too much here! I just realized that I have been living in denial of my eating disorder for so long and any time professionals or websites dismiss my behaviors I grab a hold of that. I have known for quite some time that I have an eating disorder of some sort but am also afraid of changing my behavior. I always have told myself that I'm not that bad yet or I will stop before I get that bad. Well the thing is I told myself those same things in regards to the alcohol and marujuanna issue as well. I lived in denial of having a problem with them for so long and sadly just recently like 3 weeks ago relapsed on them which is a form of self-harm really. Now I'm doing the exact same thing with my eating disorder. I guess it's kind of like my eating disorder has defined me for some time now and it can be like a toxic friend. I mean it's there for you comfort wise in regards to the anxiety but it's slowly destroying you at the same time. This is soo hard to deal with but I'm going to have to change lest I don't make it. My ed voice is so loud and persistent which it makes it that much harder on me.
I just thought I would share what's coming up. Tomorrow I go and get my two top front teeth pulled.I am terrified of the dentist as it is and now I have to get teeth pulled! That is just the first step in it all. There will also be the humiliation of having two gaping holes on my face where people will see it. Getting older stinks. If you are in your teens to 20's treasure it because you still have the world by hands. Once you get beyond 30 you begin to realize you are getting up there. I already had a problem with my hair and the thinning of it and the issue in the midsection but now this? What if people point and laugh at me now. I am an older college student surrounded by college kids in their latest teens earliest 20's! I can't even attract men at my school because they are so young and looking for the younger women. It would be robbing the cradle. Guys my age either don't see me that way or they show interest but in something I'm not giving up.
I know I am being annoying these days! Right now I am just so confused. It seems like the mental health community and medical community are trying to push me into anorexic like behaviors! They keep pointing out my calorie intake. When I tell my therapist that I am terrified of gaining weight and therefor restrict she keeps pointing out that the pop I drink is full of calories! So if I give that up I loose weight? WTF is up with this. Is she trying to say that I need to loose weight? That is what it feels like. The doc also mentioned that in order to avoid gaining weight I need to be aware of calories. I already restrict myself, hello? Anybody home in there? Do I really need to start focusing energy on calorie intake? I mean that is what leads to anorexic tendencies which I already am heading in that direction. It makes me so sad that all professionals outside of Kati that I have met tend to ignore eating problems when you are not underweight. It's almost as though they would rather just sit back and let you suffer with an eating disorder for years until it becomes dangerous to your health and then they will panic and jump into action rather than intervening early enough to nip it in the bud! Seems to me that it would make more sense to become alarmed at the first signs of a problem and head off the problem before someone's health is affected. There is also so much attention given to the obesity problem in this country that maybe their attention is all on obesity that they can't see the other side of the eating spectrum. Obesity is all I hear about every day any more so naturally it affects my thinking about myself. Doc. warns me not to become obese! Counselor is concerned about that as well and they don't realize I am doing what I can to loose weight as quickly as possible.
I was talking to a friend of mine who also has an ED and she pointed out that when someone has multiple addictions and they take away one it has to replace it with something else. It's kind of like a beaver dam, if you block one part of the dam the water will flow in a new direction. So when she was heavy in her ED she would use food as a coping mechanism but once she got out of the inpatient hospital and was no longer purging her behaviors displayed themselves in other ways. She didn't say what ways but what she says makes sense. So my restricting behaviors need to be replaced with something else. We were talking about how the therapist was focusing on the calories in pop rather than focusing on my thinking surrounding food and weight gain and same with the doctor.So if I were to try to give up pop I would have to replace it with something else that means something to me. She said not to go focusing on calories because that would just lead to another obsession that I don't need. She also says that the professional needs to work with me on my thinking surrounding food in order to recover. I totally agree that my thinking is a big part of the problem. There is the logical side of myself that knows that my thinking is not normal because others are complimenting me on my weight but I have a hard time seeing what they see.
Kati: I owe you a huge apology! First of all I am terribly sorry I freaked out about you going on vacation and taking time to yourself to live your life and de-stress! Everyone needs a break once in a while. I do still believe you have what appears to be the perfect life. I mean you have a fiance who loves you dearly and all his family seems to love you, you have a family of your own who loves you dearly and appreciates what you do. You have thousands of people in the online community who love you dearly. You have a wonderful job and your clients tend to love you. You are well respected by many people. You look great physically, the perfect body. ( Not saying this is an attraction but rather jealousy of your looks) You have it all! I am jealous truthfully. Then there was the whole issue of mentioning vanity, yeah right you are the least vain person I have ever met. You don't care what people think of you. I am the vain one. I am obsessed with my looks, I am obsessed with what people are going to think of me, whether they are going to like me or hate me. That is vanity. I projected myself onto you and that is not right. You are a wonderful person inside and out. I am truly sorry for my transgressions and I do hope someday you are able to forgive me for my errors.
Please help! I just had a memory crop up of an inpatient stay I had with a couple of teen bulimic girls and how guilty I felt when eating and now I want to cry about my body and feeling disgusted in myself! I don't want to feel this way.
Kati: Why couldn't you have been my mommy rather than the ( pardon my french here) bitch of a woman I was born to or the bitch of a step-mom that was in my childhood? Why, why, why did this have to happen to me. I deserved a mommy a real mommy. I hurt so much and just cry so much. So wish it were true but it can never be.
Had a really bad day at work. I asked one of the bosses one question about whether they allow student workers to work summers and she said no but with an attitude as though I was annoying her or something. Any time the bosses have a bad day and give me attitude it just throws my whole day off track and has me so irritable. I didn't do a damn thing wrong and didn't deserve the f@cking attitude! I guess they are annoyed with questions so I will just say yes mam, no mam, yes sir, no sir from now on or if they tell me to do something the answer will be okay, if they ask me how I am I will just say fine and then high tail it out of there. Now I understand why so many of the employee's complain about this boss so much. I used to think she was so nice but now I'm not so sure. She used to be my favorite boss but now I don't have a favorite boss. Less time around them the better.
Hey Kati, i am not sure if i have an eating disorder, but everyone has been noticing how skinny i have gotten and everyone always say "oh you are so skinny" or "omg you never eat". I dont know what i am supose to say to them. I dont eat very much and i never eat at school. And i have been losing weight but i like that im getting thinnner. But what am i suppose to say to everyon that keeps saying how skinny i am and that i never eat??
Hey honey!! It does sound like you are struggling with ED like behaviors.. and I would encourage you to see your school counselor or a therapist in your area. They will be able to help you begin talking about all of this so that you can hopefully work on it before it gets any worse. Its really up to you as to what you want to say when people ask, but just saying that you haven't been eating as much is the truth.. you know?? Or you can ignore them and change the subject :) xoxo
Hey Kati, im really glad you replied. I dont want my parents to knowabout all this and i just really dont want to tell anyone. Im really really scared :(. A couple times i tried to make myself throwup but i never went through with it. I think i got too scared. but even if i wanted to throw up couls that still make it an ed?? I know that all my behaviours point towards an eating disorer, but i feel like i dont have one, but at the same time i feel like i do......im just super confused. I know a lot about eating disorders from health class and other classes at school, but could it happen to me even if i know all the risks and everything?? Im kinda frreaking out right now because this didnt really become real until now......
Well I screwed up! I ate two meals today for breakfast and dinner and that second meal was just too anxiety producing and my eating disorder took over. I had to get rid of the second meal. It's even worse now that I handed over the diet pills to someone. How am I suppose to overcome this eating disorder and let go of that control it gave me? Why did I cave into the urge to eat that second meal? God I hate hate hate this eating disorder. The thing that angers me the most is how dismissive of it the counselors have been up to this point! Since I'm not underweight they didn't see it as a problem worthy of taking care of. They didn't realize the hell it has put me in. I hate being consumed by my body weight and what I eat and how I feel after I eat. Most people aren't distressed by what they eat and don't feel guilt about eating. That is not normal. They say that the body needs food to survive so most people don't give it any thoughts. When this first started I wanted so badly to loose weight that I was going to do what ever whether it killed me. Now I want to be able to concentrate and not be so irritable and emotional all the time.
accidentally deleted the workbook on my email and now can't get it again. What to do?