I created this video because a lot of people talk about “recovery” and being in or out of recovery from an eating disorder. I wanted to make sure that when I use the term recovery, you know what I mean by it. First of all I want to acknowledge that recovery is different for everyone. No one person will have the same experience with recovery…you may share similar feelings about it, but ultimately it is your own unique experience. Also, I want to clarify that recovery is not black and white!! You may be doing well for a few days and then have a really “bad” ED day. You may only be thinking about recovery and so to you recovery is just the thought of a better life without your ED voice always yelling at you. Whatever recovery is to you, let me know. I think of recovery as the process of deciding not to follow what your ED says. That doesn’t mean that you won’t get tripped up at times, but you really notice what your ED is saying and you try to not listen.
Sometimes it can help, if you are in the beginning stages, to think of a reason to recover. Not just “I don’t want to be sick anymore” but a real tangible reason. For example, I would like to see my sister’s child or I would like to get married someday, or I would like to see my child graduate. Whatever it is, remind yourself of it every day. Maybe put up some pictures or post it notes (you know how I love those) to remind yourself. It is a process and anything we can do to make it easier is a good thing!
Share this video with anyone who you think could benefit. This may even be helpful for you to share with a parent who just doesn’t get what you are going through. Feel free to pass it on!! And continue working towards a healthy mind, healthy body.
TRANSCRIPT:
Hey there, I always feel like I say the same thing when I start a video, like hello it’s Kati again, but I’m glad you’re checking back today’s video is going to address something that I know we use this word a lot and nobody ever really explains what it means and I know for a lot of us especially if we’re dealing with this for the first time or were just nervous about even getting treatment talking about this can make things seem harder than they maybe are I want to talk to you about what is recovery I know a lot of people talk about, “I don’t want recovery” or “I’m recovery focused” they’ll have those names on their twitter and and I love that stuff but some people might not know what that means or what it means for you or what it means for her and how different that can be so what is recovery. Recovery is that time when you know that you wanna make a change okay right maybe it hasn’t happened yet maybe you’re not ready for it I have a lot of clients that are so stressed out because they’re sick and they know they’re sick they have the awareness of their eating disorder but they’re not ready for treatment they’re not ready for recovery it’s a big step usually by the time you even come to see someone like me you’ve been doing this for quite a while we have certain rituals and things you’re doing every day and it’s hard to break that habit it’s hard to get out of hearing that nasty voice all day so you might not be ready for recovery but when you feel that switch like “ooh” I always say it’s like a light bulb went on, yes there’s a light at the end of the tunnel things can be better even one of my current clients, who’s deciding to go to treatment, she’s like I’ve had enough, I’m ready that could be how you feel, enough is enough today is the worst day of my life and I’m not doing it again there’s a light at the end of the tunnel that can be what recovery means to you but like I’m sharing different stories it’s different for everybody but it’s just the decision to want to get better is not perfect It’s not black and white, I told you I don’t work in black and white, this is grey this is I’m gonna make a decision to try to do better I might still do a lot of my eating disordered behaviors and I might not follow my meal plan at all for quite a while but I want to get better I’m working I’m trying to listen to my inner voice I’m taking responsibility I know that I am making these choices but I just can’t quite change them yet you’re still in recovery you’re working on it right? It’s hard, it’s not easy I get so frustrated when people are like, “can’t you just eat your food and swallow it and get better.” I get parents, I talk to parents all the time that say that and I’m just quiet, half the time I am on the phone and I’m like really that’s what you think the problem is you you know, but I understand they don’t get it so we’re working together right we’re going to try to get better It’s not black and white I’m going to keep saying that because I have clients all time I don’t want to go back into treatment I tried treatment and I swore I’d never go back I’m a failure you’re not a failure a lot of times you’re forced into treatment when you’re not recovery minded you’re not ready right or you went there you’ve got a lot out of it, you got out, and it’s really hard there aren’t people sitting you down and making your meals and making sure you eat, and making sure you do the exercises you’re supposed to do and no more making sure you go to group and you see your therapist twice a week there’s all this support, right? that’s why when we start in recovery it’s like a slow titration up-and-down right so we decide maybe we see our primary care doctor we realize we have a problem come to see someone like me then you start seeing a dietitian then you realize that’s not enough you might end up in an outpatient program where you actually go to groups and stuff a stronger outpatient or you might go to inpatient or you might go to a hospital right? then you titrate back out, then you go to outpatient then come back and see someone like me, and then you probably, I have a lot of patients I have been seeing for years as they’re in recovery and they still see their dietitian and me every week that’s fine, they might go back into treatment and come back out I’ve had patients be in treatment like fifteen sixteen times that’s ok I’ve had patients go in once and their fine. everybody’s different it’s not perfect stop expecting it to be, if it was that easy we wouldn’t have this problem and so go easy on yourself just recognize do I want to get better do I want more the answer’s probably yes. Sometimes you can find a person or a thing that you can really work towards like I wanna see my sister have her baby I want to be there when anything happens, when my, I want to get married I wanna do whatever you want to do whatever you want to see happen you want to be there for that, you want to be present, right? give yourself a reason, a light at the end of the tunnel to get better so that that’s what it is. It’s different for everybody and when you go into treatment like I said you kind of need a treatment team so you might be seeing a lot of people. You might not see that many people at first but enlist good people, nice solid support system for you while you work on this because its hard, and it’s not perfect So, that’s what recovery is and that’s kind of how I see it if you see it differently you can always comment give me some feedback you know, recovery for me is, you know..blah blah I hate recovery, whatever, I don’t care give me the feedback let me know like I said everybody’s different and also don’t forget to subscribe so when I give you more information we’re doing this, this is just the beginning right this is like I’m scratching the surface surface of what recovery really can be there are so many other topics but if you subscribe when I put out other videos you’ll know about it and in the future just something to look forward to I am going to do videos on, I’m going to sit down with a couple of my friends who are dietitians, we’ll go over things about that so you know give me your questions things I can have them answer things like that we’ll go through what it’s like to prepare a meal in the kitchen thing like that, right? It’s great information and also we’ll go through different yoga exercises and different exercise techniques that are appropriate the keyword being appropriate I’m gonna talk to different people about these different things because I’m not really certified to do that I’m a professional therapist you sit down, I ask you how you feel yada yada, we talk for an hour I get so frustrated when people I’ll even call out therapists, right ,cause I’m one right these are things that I do not do because it really pisses me off I don’t give you advice about what medications to take. You see a psychiatrist for that even a medical doctor of some sort, even if you just go to your primary care you go to them they are educated they went to medical school did I go to medical school no I did not so annoying If your therapist is telling you you should go to your doctor and should to ask for x,y,z medications not okay it’s out of our scope of practice is actually illegal to some extent. I’m also not going to tell you hey you should probably eat this this this this, this much, this should be your meal plan Am I a dietitian? No I am not so I shouldn’t give that advice either I can tell you hey, there are some snack options these are things people do, I don’t know you I don’t know what your body type is I am not a dietician I don’t know you like that I know how you feel, I know what bothers you I know how to connect and be understood and be understanding that’s my job, my job isn’t food and preparing food so tell them to stop doing it, it frustrates me but I’ll get into that more later. Get off of my soapbox. So, recovery let’s just start thinking about it right just let it kind of float around in the back of your mind you might be already really recovery focused and that’s great share what’s working but just remember it’s not black and white it’s grey it works if you work it right you’ve got to just keep working at it so let’s continue right this is a journey we’re just putting one foot in front of the the other and we’re just working on it getting closer and closer to a healthy mind and a healthy body.
