Dear Kati,
So I have struggled for awhile, not only with eating, obsession over weight, stress, use of diuretics, self harm, etc, but also with figuring out if I really have a problem. While I silently struggle, I have a healthy weight. I exercise and I eat my broccoli and brussel sprouts (lol). I come from a kind, high achieving family and have many friends.. I look like a normal 18 year old. But on the inside I have had so many ups and downs, going from restricting to exercising a lot to being “okay”. I have a lot of stress sometimes because my family (and myself!) has very high goals for me. And personally, I know I am controlling and strive for perfection. But I feel like I don’t know who or what I am, mostly for two reasons. 1) If no one realizes (a friend or two notice weird things I do from time to time) that I have all of these internal conflicts, maybe it isn’t that bad? and 2) I was never diagnosed with anything. So maybe it’s all in my head?
So I guess really my question is, where do I go from here? I’m moving to college in two months, and I’m afraid my freedom could either be my downfall or uprising. I feel as though the life I have is “too good” to be depressed, and that I’m not “sick” enough to get help. Or, if I did need help to where others would find out, my image of control over my life will be cracked. I’m so conflicted, I don’t know where to turn.
I actually found out about you and your videos from a friend on an eating disorder website.. (I know that is bad, but in my situation I feel so alone so I kind of go on there a lot when I’m restricting or depressed).
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
-kj
Ps. Sorry for the dramatic title hehe 
To be honest, I hear that all the time. Our EDs will always tell us that we are not sick enough to get help or to have an actual ED. It's like we need to have the worst life senario ever to have us believe that we are actually struggling. The truth is, if we obsess about food and/or exercise all day and our rules and rituals with food make going out with friends hard and/or stressful than we have a problem. No one ED looks alike, so whatever it is that you are experiencing is just your version of an ED. My advice would be to begin looking into whether or not your college has a counseling center (most do and most are free or at a low cost). I would get their number and can and see how much it cost etc. When you get to college you will already have a support team ready. I know that can feel embarrassing or stressful but that's what they are here for. All day they just get calls about the cost and making appointments....right?? Does that sound like something you could do?? That's where I would start, because if you try and get a therapist where you are, you will move in two months and lose their support. I am hoping that therapy at your college is free because then you don't have to worry about telling your parents or anything. Let me know what happens:) <3
Kati Morton recently posted..The Silent Struggle of an Internal Conflict
Thank you so much for replying. This is the first time I really reached out and it is reassuring to know there are people like you who really commit to promoting overall health. It's so helpful and I'm sure there are many people besides myself that are grateful for your videos, insight, and knowledge.
At orientation for my college, (U. of Pittsburgh in PA) they talked about their counseling center and it is actually a large facility and practically free for most services. So I looked into it a bit more and I'm definitely going to check it out when I get there.. they do an initial "triage" appointment or something and then offer further treatment if needed.. Thanks for the advice and everything you do :) :)