So I have struggled for awhile, not only with eating, obsession over weight, stress, use of diuretics, self harm, etc, but also with figuring out if I really have a problem. While I silently struggle, I have a healthy weight. I exercise and I eat my broccoli and brussel sprouts (lol). I come from a kind, high achieving family and have many friends.. I look like a normal 18 year old. But on the inside I have had so many ups and downs, going from restricting to exercising a lot to being “okay”. I have a lot of stress sometimes because my family (and myself!) has very high goals for me. And personally, I know I am controlling and strive for perfection. But I feel like I don’t know who or what I am, mostly for two reasons. 1) If no one realizes (a friend or two notice weird things I do from time to time) that I have all of these internal conflicts, maybe it isn’t that bad? and 2) I was never diagnosed with anything. So maybe it’s all in my head?
So I guess really my question is, where do I go from here? I’m moving to college in two months, and I’m afraid my freedom could either be my downfall or uprising. I feel as though the life I have is “too good” to be depressed, and that I’m not “sick” enough to get help. Or, if I did need help to where others would find out, my image of control over my life will be cracked. I’m so conflicted, I don’t know where to turn.
I actually found out about you and your videos from a friend on an eating disorder website.. (I know that is bad, but in my situation I feel so alone so I kind of go on there a lot when I’m restricting or depressed).
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Ps. Sorry for the dramatic title hehe