Been really low for a couple of days now. 15 days b/p free. Still on the liquids. Could count the amount of ‘non-liquid foods’ I’ve eaten in the last month on one hand (not exaggerating). Literally crawling into bed at every opportunity to try escape life. Obviously thats what I’m ‘missing’… bulimia fills that void. How am I feeling? Emotional… depressed… exhausted and ridiculously reflective, (annoyingly so). Don’t feel I [...]
My blue sky I am searching for my blue sky, I am not a one for looking people in the eye. My life it is full of memories that leave my sky so grey, I have so much I want to say. Like I take all these knocks because I believe I deserve the pain, Overthinking everything drives me insane. I am scared of not liking the real me, Afraid [...]
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So I’ve come to the conclusion that I really like blogging now! It’s such a quick and easy way to vent, so thanks Kati for providing this! Firstly, I’m going to tell you guys that memory, that I’ve been keeping secret. It’s so hard for me to say these words in front of people, they never actually seem to come out, whenever I try to say it. Basically, I was [...]
i was on day 8 of not practising any negative coping no cutting or restricting or purging but then i binged which lead to a purge then for feeling like a failure i cut i was doing so well then i screwed up . now i have to start again it sucks i know 8 days is not much but it felt so good now I’m really having to yell [...]
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I am a thing hidden beneath bracelets and sweatshirts, Beneath smiles and, “It was my cat.” I am a thing hidden beneath Leggings and “oh that? I fell.” I am a sharp sting A writhing ring of crimson regret. I’m killing your daughter Suffocating her, while making her love me. I am the demon, The consumer of souls, The reason behind bloody bed sheets. I am the abuser. I am [...]
Hey Kati… last post you wanted an update so here it goes. A few days ago i basically cried… i’m conflicted between getting better and continuing with my eating disorder behaviors. I’ve been acting on them for awhile now and it gets frustrating because mentally i’m not ready to give up ED but at the same time i want to get out this hell.Bright side i get to stay in [...]
Keeping it together on the outside but on the inside I am falling apart On the outside nothing looks wrong, But on the inside I am too far gone. Trying to make sense of how I am feeling, Doing that leaves me reeling. I am tired of fighting I see no end, What am I even trying to defend? A life that has given me so much pain, I stand [...]
I feel like I am at the end of my rope. The urges are getting stronger and I don’t know how much longer I will be able to fight them. In the past, I have always given into the urges and self harmed. The past week has been a huge struggle. I look at my scars and think to myself, whats one more? No one will really notice a few [...]
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