Everything just makes me really mad! All those post and all those good advices and ideas! I love them but it makes me soooo mad, because I wish I actually had time to do it and to think about myself and time to work on my ED recovery. But I am so deep into my ED, and my sleep pattern is soooo off, that I am just barely surviving my everyday life. Really! I am behind in school work and really stressed because of the midterms coming up again… and I cant focus on studying and stuff… but I rather would wann do fun creative stuff like the crayon thin etc. I am creative and I love doing arts… I just don’t have time to do it 
I am sooo mad at myself. But there is nothing to do about it I guess. It’s just like when I see a cool post like that I am like “WTF?!!?!?!?!” Why can’t I just be home working on my ED recovery and actually using all this good nice awesome creative advice on this website! I feel like I just wanna destroy everything on the website and I remember Kati talking once about taking a piece of paper and just fill it up with red crayons when we get mad etc… and I just feel like putting that whole website on a piece of paper and just destroy every single post on it!
But it is probably my ED voice not liking that I even open the website.
Please don’t take it personal or anything, it’s just me, well it’s just my ED voice being mad at everyone, everything and blablabla. I am done. lol
haha
It's normal to feel upset and angry when things are really hard!! Try the crayon thing if you can:) I know it's not really the website that is making you mad. It's part your ED, part school, part your mom not forcing you into treatment and not letting you tell her you're okay. It's okay to be angry, and I'm glad you posted about it instead of just keeping it in. Cause when we do that we let it hurt us. I'm sorry that things are so hard right now.. See if you can maybe call your mom and ask her to put you into treatment...
Kati Morton recently posted..So mad!
I cant do that. I would feel awful if they had to repay this semester. It's so much money, because I can't take student loans, they don't give u that option in Europe, unless u work and they see u can pay it off. So, my parents are paying everything, so I am just trying really really hard to at least finish this semester, and then I will see.... Well I will see what my mom decides to do when she sees me in 10 days .
I think you ARE using some of it because you wrote about feeling mad. That's good. <3 There IS a lot of stuff on here and it's no wonder you feel like you do with all you're dealing with.
If it's any help at all, I try to think of this place as a toolbox. The tools are there. You can read about how to use them, and if there ever comes a situation where you realise one might be handy and usable, then you can try it out. But if not, it doesn't mean anything about you. It means the tools weren't suitable.
But it sounds like everything is going so fast around you that all you can do is just hang on tight, you don't have anything to spare for extras. I hope you can get into treatment. I wish I could say something more helpful. I'm so sorry things are so difficult. I'm glad you wrote this though. <3<3