I am totally freaking out! Today one of my closest friends caught me purging. To make matters worse, he also managed to see a lot of my cuts on myarms (I pulled my sleeve up to purge…stupid on my part). After he caught me, he kind of just walked away and I’ve avoided him since. Oh my goodness what am I going to do? I can’t talk my way out of this…what can I possibly say that could justify this to him? And what if he doesn’t even want to talk to me? What if I pushed him away? He is literally one of the only people I have left that cares about me. What if he thinks I’m crazy?I never thought about what I would do in this situation; no one close to me knows about the purging or the cutting. What if he tells my parents? I hate not having control over who knows and who doesn’t know about this…it’s sending my anxieties though the roof. I tried so hard to make sure this never happened…I feel like such a failure. Is there anything I can do to fix this?
First thing you need to do is breathe. It will be okay. If this is your best friend, than he is only upset because he is worried about you. I would try and journal or just write it out what you would like to say to him. I know it is uncomfortable and you wish it didn't happen, but in order to save your friendship you just need to talk about it. I would start by apologizing for not telling him about your struggles and then just be honest. Tell him that you have been working on yourself, but that you have a tough time talking about it. Tell him why you didn't tell him earlier. He will most likely say he is worried, want to know how long it has been going on, and why. I have always hated that people want to know why...but it makes sense. I usually have my clients tell them that just as an addict uses a drug to feel better or to escape, I use this. (if that is how you feel). Also, feel free to tell him that you would prefer he not tell anyone else about this. Just see what he says, but I can tell you that talking about it will be the better than trying to pretend nothing happened. Okay??? Let me know how it goes!!! Remember to breathe!!! xoxoxo
Kati Morton recently posted..No more secrets
So I gathered the courage to talk to him...I tried to do what you said to do, but I feel like since I was nervous it started to come out weird. So instead of me talking a bunch I decided to let him ask me questions; that was a big mistake because I kind of lost control over what I told him and what I didn't tell him. But I think he just feels uncomfortable now, like he is scared that I'm going to do something really bad to hurt myself (beyond the cutting). When I asked him to keep this between us, I could tell he was hesitant to say yes...he's one of those people who would feel guilty if he knew about this and didn't do anything to help or stop me, and then something bad happened to me (like if I were to be hospitalized or something like that). So I feel bad putting that on him. So now I don't know what to do...I feel liked made our friendship really awkward, although I feel like he understands .