Dear Kati,
Sorry for posting two posts in one night; I don’t want to clutter up the website. However, the two topics I am thinking about are not really related, so it only made sense to split them up. Anyway, I have really been struggling with journaling lately. I know it’s not for lack of effort, but I just don’t know what’s going wrong.Nothing I write sounds right to me. I’ve been trying to do the ED voice vs. Healthy voice exercise that you suggeted, but I feel like the Healthy voice always comes out sounding all cliche and phony. Like when I’m writing in healthy voice I just don’t feel honest…like I’m making up what I feel like I should be saying and don’t believe in what I’m putting on paper. However, that’s also how I feel when I just journal my thoughts. I don’t know why what I write sounds so dishonest when I read it back to myself, but I end up being so upset with myself because I feel like the way I’m relaying my thoughts doesn’t sound like me. Maybe it’s because I’m afraid to delve to deeply into my emotions when I’m writing. I know I have non-superficial feelings, but I feel like when I write them down and acknowledge them, they become real. I don’t want them to feel real, so I don’t write them down. So maybe the dishonest sounding journals are a result of omission? I am just really confused and want to be able to journal in a way that sort of feels right to me. I feel like being able to journal correctly would be a very helpful skill . Any insight that could help me out would be greatly appreciated! Thank you Kati for your support and all that you do. I wouldn’t even be thinking about journaling and getting better if it weren’t for you. It makes me feel really good that I’m trying to move forward :)
Don't worry about posting 2 times in one night!! I am excited and proud that you are working on all of this!!! To be honest, a lot of people feel the way you do when they first start journaling and trying ED vs healthy voice. Because we haven't been in touch with who we really are in a long time, it doesn't really sound like us at all. When you post on here do you feel the same thing??? My guess is you don't, so maybe try to journal like you are posting on here...that can sometimes help:) Just an idea. Also, it can help to simply not reread what you write. I know you are going to want to, but the real reason that journaling helps is the actual act of writing down what is going on. It doesn't matter if it makes sense, is spelled correctly, or sounds like us. Just writing it down helps us feel calmer. Let me know if any of that helps. If not, we will come up with something else to do:)
Kati Morton recently posted..Journaling help
I have a lot of trouble talking about things. Sometimes I want to talk, and it's like it falls out of my head and I blank out, or physically I just can’t make the words. I don't even mean to and it happens. Even if I want to talk or write about it, I can't always.
So I doodle in my journal, or I write song lyrics I’ve heard. I usually try to use different fonts for the songs and decorate. I use pictures from magazines and make collages. Slowly I've been able to write more, in the beginning I couldn't at all. Even a little at a time, over several months, started helping eventually.
I use crayons and markers too, and fun stickers. I chose a notebook that’s fun too. Those things helped me.
What if when you journal you tend to reread all the time when it's the bad feelings?