Recovery from ed – want to loose weight
I had an eating disorder, which I am in recovery with, but recently I have noticed I am gaining weight..
I was inpatient A few years ago, where I was tubed, I have been out of hospital for over a year now. However I have gained a lot of weight and I need to loose some. I am now over weight as I have calculated my BMI. I have noticed I am binging a lot, and have purged a few times. I dont want this to take control of me again. But I do need to loose weight to be a healthy weight again. But whenever I try to cut down on food, I end up binging which makes me feel even worse? And sometimes purging after. What should I do? My team in the community don’t seem to take it seriously and just dismiss it as I’m not underweight/risk. And I am ashamed to bring it up/ talk about it as I feel they will just judge me. I have been told many diagnosis through the years from bulimia nevosa, anorexia, and currently ednos. Which makes me even more confused. I don’t know what to do!
Losing weight while/after recovery from an eating disorder is a tricky business that you should definitely not do without proper support. If you ask me, the health risk of being a little overweight does not outweigh a relapse since an eating disorder is not great for your health either (I hope you get that that is a massive understatement).
I hope you can find the courage to openly discuss it with them, so they can help you figure out whether losing weight is worth the risk of relapse and if it is, how you can do it in order to minimize this risk. And whatever you do, crash diets or not eating for hours and hours are bad. Make sure whatever you do, you stick to three meals a day and snacks in between. If you can manage to have three nourishing meals a day, together with about 2-3 snacks throughout the day, instead of restricting and then binging, your body will learn to trust you and settle on a weight that is good for your body.
I know how hard it is to deal with weight gain, especially if your weight passes that cut-off for a healthy weight. I have been there and I would not recommend you to follow the route I took (it involved a major ED relapse, a lot of health struggles, going inpatient, and dropping out of university). It is so not worth it. I am still trying to get a grip on my binging and purging and I am seeing my weight slowly creeping up (towards that scary cut-off), which still scares me. However, I know my current weight gain is not due to eating regularly, but due to my binging. I also know now that purging and restricting are major triggers for binges. My therapist has consistently been expressing that she believes that my weight will stop increasing or even decrease a bit if I manage to stop binging and purging, and I do believe her. I hope your treatment team can support you in helping you to accept your weight even if it is above that magic cut-off BMI, and I hope you can get a grip on your binging, regardless of whether that will make you will lose weight. And, I hope that if your weight really is a health risk, they will help you to healthfully and carefully lose the weight, after you got a grip on your binges.
Thank you for your lovely reply. I’m sorry to hear that you relapsed when going through a similar situation as I am. And thank You for sharing that with me.
It helped me to know that I’m not going through this alone.
Have you found anything in particular that helps distract you from the purging? As struggling with this a lot.
I’m glad to hear it was helpful. I am not the best to ask about ways to distract because I generally dislike them and not many seem to work. It does really help me to remind myself of the pros and cons of purging. I used to have a piece of paper above my toilet telling me that I did not want to purge and a list of the reasons why I did not want it. (+ an instruction to go back to my room). The distractions that generally do work is calling a friend (and talking about other stuff) and some days studying actually really works to keep my mind off it (but other days it triggers). Going outside is also supposed to help, but I generally don’t do that (but when I do, it actually works). Showering (with cold water) sometimes works if I feel extremely tensed, but sometimes being that close to the toilet is too triggering. And, if my mind just doesn’t seem to suit up, compensating through exercise is less harmful than purging in other ways.
I hope this helps,
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