I just can’t control my anxiety. At least the big waves will pass, but it’s getting back to the point where I’m just constantly on edge. I can’t calm down, I just want to sleep the day away. My chest is tight and I’m scared, there isn’t always a reason. Or I’m triggered by something stupid and it shouldn’t scare me but I can’t get back into the moment. I don’t know if that even makes sense.
I don’t want to go on medication. I’m still so scared to even go to the eye doctor for new glasses, let alone dentist, doctor, or therapist. I just don’t like it I don’t like people touching me or looking at me or anything. I’m too scared to do anything. Like on Tuesday I was supposed to go to a party and then it rolls around and I google map and it’s like, 31 minutes away HIGHWAY.
I can’t drive on a highway. Then it gets out at work why I wasn’t at the party and it’s like, great, I’m 24 and I just had to admit to everyone I have this huge driving fear. I totally got called out in front of everyone. I have so many stupid little phobias.
I’m trying my best but it’s not enough and no matter what I do I just get left behind. I can’t catch up. Then this guy at work, who’s a big stupid idiot face and a psych minor catches wind and then is like ‘tell me more about it’ like I’m a freaking college paper or something and I wanted to kick him in the face because he wouldn’t drop it.
I’m too scared to do anything about anything. I don’t know what else to do. Like what else can I do anyway? I’m too far behind to catch up, you know? So tired of it all.
I am so sorry that you are having such a terrible time with your anxiety. I know that you said you don't like to see anyone or have anyone touch you, but is there any possibility that you would see a psychiatrist or your regular doctor..just this once. I know that sometimes breathing techniques and avoiding caffeine etc can really help, but medication may be your best option. What do you think? I know medication can be a scary thing, but for me I always like to think about the cost versus the benefit. If the cost of not taking the medication is that I feel paralyzed by my anxiety and I cannot do all of the things I want to...than it may be worth taking it. This is just a thought..I know it sucks and we want to give up and just stop fighting, but you are worth the fight!! Your life is worth working through this...and if I can help in any way with this, let me know. We are always much stronger than we give ourselves credit for. xoxox Keep me posted :)
Kati Morton recently posted..Falling behind.
I just am so scared. I haven't seen a doctor since I was 13. I have to have a doctor referral to see a psych of any kind. I didn't even see a doctor when I broke my leg.
And I know I broke it because it took almost a month to quit hurting all the way and I still can't bend it or sit on my ankle certain ways without hurting. Sorry, I guess I'm just whining. It's just not fair. :(