I just can’t control my anxiety. At least the big waves will pass, but it’s getting back to the point where I’m just constantly on edge. I can’t calm down, I just want to sleep the day away. My chest is tight and I’m scared, there isn’t always a reason. Or I’m triggered by something stupid and it shouldn’t scare me but I can’t get back into the moment. I don’t know if that even makes sense.
I don’t want to go on medication. I’m still so scared to even go to the eye doctor for new glasses, let alone dentist, doctor, or therapist. I just don’t like it I don’t like people touching me or looking at me or anything. I’m too scared to do anything. Like on Tuesday I was supposed to go to a party and then it rolls around and I google map and it’s like, 31 minutes away HIGHWAY.
I can’t drive on a highway. Then it gets out at work why I wasn’t at the party and it’s like, great, I’m 24 and I just had to admit to everyone I have this huge driving fear. I totally got called out in front of everyone. I have so many stupid little phobias.
I’m trying my best but it’s not enough and no matter what I do I just get left behind. I can’t catch up. Then this guy at work, who’s a big stupid idiot face and a psych minor catches wind and then is like ‘tell me more about it’ like I’m a freaking college paper or something and I wanted to kick him in the face because he wouldn’t drop it.
I’m too scared to do anything about anything. I don’t know what else to do. Like what else can I do anyway? I’m too far behind to catch up, you know? So tired of it all.