I know this is probably weird, but I have a lot of trouble dealing with my parents. I feel like the way I feel is kind of unjustified too…I know people who have been abused and neglected by parents; that type of thing has never happened to me. I feel like I should be grateful for having parents who want me to have a future and push me, but sometimes I just wish they would stop. I just feel so much pressure from them, and obviously I can’t handle it. It just makes me feel really incompetent when I try so hard and can’t live up to their standards. However, I feel like they keep their standards so high because they know I should be able to get there…if only they knew what I would do to be good enough. Additionally, their ideas of how I should be change so often it really stresses me out trying to keep up. One day I’m so fat that it’s embarrassing to them , the next day I look terrible, and the day after that I need to gain weight…. I can just never measure up no matter which way I turn. And I know this doesn’t sound like the end of the world or anything, but it’s really devastating…it’s a huge source of anxiety for me. Usually when people make me feel this bad I can just get away from them, but I’m only 17…I have at least another year at home. This isn’t something I can’t just deal with; like I can’t even eat around them. The anxiety I feel with them watching me eat is practically unbearable…their judgmental eyes staring at me as I take each bite, the criticism for eating too much (no matter what I eat it’s too much…I’ve sat at the table without taking a bite and the same criticism comes out of their mouths). Eating with them always results in negative feelings and a trip to the bathroom. And it just makes me feel terrible; terrible because I know the negative outcome that situation , terrible because I can’t cut that out of my everyday life, and terrible because I have zero control over any of this. I would tell my parents about how I’m feeling so they could stop, but I feel like they’d be ashamed. I’m already the “messed-up” daughter…
(Sorry, I know this post doesn’t really have that much of a pont…thanks for reading though!)
I know that a lot of people struggle with their parents. I am so sorry that you feel trapped in this anxiety provoking situation. Are you seeing a therapist at all?? If you are, I would talk to her about it and brain storm ways you could talk to them. I know that talking to them can make us more anxious, but that's why you should talk it out with someone else first, until you feel comfortable saying it. To be honest, I usually find that parents think they are being helpful when they are actually making things much worse. Once they know, it can really change how they talk to you about food or about your body etc. Cause it really sucks when you are stuck at home until college and in a way their comments are feeding your ED...what do you think??
Kati Morton recently posted..Dealing with Parents
I saw a therapist (for anxiety) twice and my mother insisted on coming in with me each time, so I stopped. I think I'm just going to wait until I'm 18 so I can go without parental consent and such. In the meantime, perhaps I can practice on one of my friends who knows what I'm going through? I'm still not sure how I would bring it up though, or if I could ever really feel comfortable confronting my parents...they don't exactly know that I have an eating problem and I know I don't have the courage to tell them.